If I was a terrorist...

This is another forward from my wife Chris.

A little levity

This is from Brad, a collegue of mine who handles the Texas area.

Terry Tate the Office Linebacker - Going on Vacation

I just spent a week on the road, and all of the things in this video, like remotes not working, keys not opening doors, etc., make this my favorite one in the series. Where is Terry is chase away the clutter when I need him?

Terry Tate:

This is a great video that my son showed me yesterday. We need this guy at the home office

Southern Law:

This was sent to me by my friend Tom, a fellow Coast Guard vet that I have known since junior high
Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked,
"Is it true they's suin' them cigarette companies fer causin' people
to git cancer?"
"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.
"And now someone is suin' them fast food restaurants fer makin' them fat
an' cloggin' their arteries with all them burgers an' fries, is that
true, Mista Lawyer?"
"Sure is, Bubba."
"And that lady sued McDonald's for millions when she was gave that
hot coffee that she ordered?"
"Yep."
"And that football player sued that university when he gradiated
and still couldn't read?"
"That's right," said the lawyer. "But why are you asking?"
Well, I was thinkin' . . . What I want to know is, kin I sue
Budweiserfer all them ugly women I slept with?

Three Stages of a Man's Life.....

With all this terrorism, dirty politics, high energy prices, etc., I thought I'd pass this along to lighten things up a bit. This is courtesy of my lovely wife Chris (I think I'm in stage two).



Three Stages of a Man's life:

Situational Awareness Scenario

I'm on the road, so instead of a sketch, here is a fun email from my friend and co-worker,
Wayne Dennon . Check out his website. He is one cool dude! He has some great rock concert pics over there.




You are driving in a car at a constant speed.

On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.
Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also travelling at the same speed as you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?





Answer: Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're drunk..

Too Funny!

St. Paddy Day Humor

My old boss just forwarded this to me and I felt like sharing. I like the first one the best. I'm on the road so I can't do a sketch to go with it, but hope you all enjoy it:

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been runover by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp."What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender."Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy."That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.""That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it.""Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beautyit was, but useless in a fight."
*********************************************************************
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door."Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya"."Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's myhusband?""That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery...""Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me.""I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?""It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.""Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?""Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
*********************************************************************
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service,and she's in tears.He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"She says, "That he did, Father."The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'"
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AND THE BEST FOR LAST-
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth,sits down but says nothing.The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there.Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either."